Anyone do their due-diligence in regards to the mini-camp from last weekend? I did and it gave me wood. Let’s discuss, shall we?
The Defense
Anyone who knows anything about football knows that a strong defense wins. (ahem…hello? Does the word “Doomsday” ring any bells??) Sure, you’ve gotta score some points, but you can’t get bitched and let people run all over you…or pass the ball at will. You have to crush their spirit early and often so the only thing the opposing offense can think about is getting home to their beds and curling up into the fetal position while they have prison-rapish nightmares and leak tears into their 1000 thread-count satin pillow-cases.
You can’t be conservative (Bill Parcells), you have to attack!
KILL! KILL! DIE! DIE!
Let’s break it down right quick…
DeMarcus Ware had an incredible camp and he’s really fired up after talking to Shawne Merriman at the Pro Bowl. Shawne basically told him that Wade will just turn him loose on every opposing QB we face. Good news for us. Bad news for whoever we play. That black man is a STUD and if he’s fired up, I’m fired up.
Canty, Spears, & Ferguson were all wreaking havoc in the backfield, too. Our D-Line is poised to be quite the grumpy bunch. I want aggression! I want dismemberment! I want sacks for a mother-fuckin’ change!
Roy Williams was lining up as a linebacker in the nickel/dime packages. Are you fucking kidding me?? It’s about time! Let that man make some plays for a change. He gets burned in coverage worse than Skylar at her birthday party, so that makes perfect sense. Even though he’s been to all of the recent Pro Bowls, I still don’t think he’s had a “break-out” season yet…but this will be his year.
We have 9000 LBs that can play.
Anthony Spencer.
Did I mention we have a real Free Safety now, too? This Hamlin dude is pretty fuckin’ good and that will fill a MAJOR weakness for the squad.
(Oh, but Greg Ellis…quit cryin’ about your fucking contract and kill people. You’re coming off an achilles-injury which usually means “church”….just ask Kevin Smith. So don’t expect Jerry to pony-up more cash, bro. Get over it and play some ball.)
The Offense
I’m glad we have Jason Garrett as our OC. I mean, he’s a Cowboy, people. Tried and true. And he’s aggressive. The boys will be moving the ball…none of this predictable, pussy shit. We won’t run a god damn dive on 3rd and 15!
Now, let’s have a closer look-see…
Tony Romo. I believe in him. Sure, he fumbled the snap, but we all make mistakes. Anyone who is as good at golf as he is has mental toughness. He showed me enough last year to sell me. (And he’s dating Carrie Underwood…that has to count for something.)
Jason Witten. According to everything I read, Romo just kept connecting with him over and over last weekend. Right down the middle, too. None of this lame catch-and-run in the flat bullshit. Garrett worked with Novacek and Wade had Antonio Gates…the tight-end will be a key to our offense. And ours just happens to be a Pro-Bowler. (I just vomit-burped.)
Julius & Marion will get it done. No more iron-fist telling them exactly where to run on every play. And this just in….running backs need to be able to use their instincts, Bill, FUCK!
T.O., T.G., & P.C. They’ll catch the ball.
Leonard Davis. This guy is gi-fucking-gantic. He pushes people around for a living and rescues horses from sinkholes in his spare time. I love it. Be afraid of the giant, athletic black dude that grew up on a farm, too. Be very afraid.
Brad Johnson. I don’t have much here, but he’s a name. Serviceable back-up if Romo gets hurt.
Offensive line is a question mark, but again…refer to the DEFENSE above. We won’t have to score 30 pts a game if we shut bitches down. And, for those of you who don’t remember, we scored A LOT last season…we’ll do it again this year.
Special Teams
Two things: Mat McBriar and the fact that we drafted a kicker. (Haven’t done that since what? ‘87?) This made me flaccid at first, but then I thought about it. Should we really put too much faith in Marty Grammatica? I don’t think so. Bring in the young kid with the big leg and see how it works out. He was cheap….fuck it.
To revisit a previous post about Wade Phillips giving me a giant soft-on, I think I’ve changed my tune on that for now after reading how pumped up our team is. All of the rookies already have stars on their helmets. Nobody has to fetch Wade water during practice breaks. Everyone seems loose, happy, and excited. “Aggressive” is the big buzz-word in the locker room.
You know what that says to me? We win. All of it. 16-0. Homefield advantage. SuperBowl victory. Ring #6.
That’s all for now. I gotta go grab a bottle of lotion, a beach-towel, and head to the bathroom….
Doanwanna Poopoo | 
05 29th, 2007| 
You know, I’ve put a LOT of energy, time and even sweat into this year for the Dallas Mavericks and I will agree that in return, I was rewarded with the 6th best regular season record by any NBA team. 67 wins and only 15 losses. This after making it to the finals the previous year and having one of the biggest chokes in NBA finals history, so things couldn’t have been going better. . .until the end of the season, when the team was playing meaningless games and getting completely out of rhythm, but most importantly, they appeared to be aligning themselves to play Golden State for the 1st round of the playoffs. The same team they had not beat for almost TWO years.
Why would any of his teammates want to hear that shit!! Hell, it killed MY spirits and I don’t play. 