Doanwanna Poopoo | 
06 30th, 2007| 
This is one of the stories only dreams are made of. I have never seen The Police in concert before, so when I heard they were getting back together and coming through Dallas, I made sure I got tickets. Not only that, I managed to score the best seats to a big concert I have ever had in my long list of concerts I’ve been to. I had 2nd row, center stage, seats 1 & 2. We were so close that at one point, Sting was literally 6 feet from us rocking out during a jam out.
I’ll back up a bit and talk about the opening band, FictionPlane. They come out and its a 3 piece band, some young lads. The first thing I noticed was the guitarist because he had a strong resemblance to The Edge from U2 back in his younger years. Then my attention went to the singer/bassist. I thought he resembled Sting and even sounded like him at times, but what I was really drawn to was his ripping up of the bass. I was amazed at how awesome of a bass player he was. Well, come to find out, his name is Joe Sumner, son of Sting. Needless to say, they were really good and daddy is throwing junior a huge bone by taking him on tour.
Anyhow, back to the night. I take my wife and we’re both really jazzed about these awesome seats we have. Once we got to AA, we went to the Old No. 7 bar and had a couple of whiskey drinks, then went to the concession stand. We split a little pizza and I got a beer, her a glass of white wine, except they doubled her wine up, so she had 2 wines in one glass. Then right before The Police started, I went back for another round of drinks.
The Police start and the vibe was one of the coolest just because here we were in the AA, watching The Police and standing right in front of them. They come out and start with “Message In A Bottle”. I had heard how Stuart Copeland was saying the band wasn’t very tight in rehearsals, so I was watching for it, which they did have some moments that made me frown, but overall, they’re songs you grew up to and know every word to. Message in a Bottle got the show going and we couldn’t scream loud enough in excitement.
A couple songs into the show, I noticed my wife kept swaying into me which kind of made me watch out of the corner of my eye. I noticed that she seemed to go from normal to really drunk in a blink of an eye. As the swaying got worse, I leaned over and asked what was wrong with her, which she replied with, “Nothing, this is awesome”. I finally had to tell her to sit down because I was worried she was about to fall over on this family in front of us with a little girl. So she sits down and I tell her to relax and try to get a hold of herself. About the 4th song, I realized she was literally falling over into me sitting in her chair. I told her to chill out and that she had better not ruin the night. Her reply, “I think I’m going to get sick”. 
Of course, I knew what my future would hold, but I tried to ignore it. About midway through the 5th song, I realized I had to get her out of there. I kept imagining her puking on this poor little 10 year old sitting in front of us. The problem was, we were sitting under the spotlights and I had to carry this stumbling drunkard out in front of thousands of people.
Finally I get her up and we start the journey out. She’s holding on to my shoulder and I’m holding on to her as she stumbles and sways, bringing me with her every way. We make our way out to the AA lobby area and I stop. I try to survey her condition to see if there is any salvaging this night when I look over my shoulder to see 3 of Dallas’ finest staring us down. We start walking the opposite way and I notice outside the door a taxi cab. I contemplated throwing her in a cab and sending her home, but no husband in his right mind could do that to their wife when they are completely wasted like that. I realized it was time to end the night that just began and take my wasted wife home.
If throwing away front row seats to The Police wasn’t enough, we were literally 5 minutes from our house and she decides it would be a good time to fill the inside of my truck up with her stomach chunks. Yes, she puked all over the inside of my truck. In the door compartments, inside the speaker grills, in the seat tracks, the carpet. . .everywhere.
You might ask yourself, how do I feel towards my wife? Well, she feels pretty horrible about it, as do I, but I have been there plenty of times myself and it could have just as easily been me. I know she would have taken care of me, so while I will always give her shit about it, I’m not mad. Plus, here I am posting the whole story for the world to read. I call it my therapy and it’s also a funny story.
